Did you know that the key to letting go of unwanted emotions seems counter intuitive? Yet, it works!
The way so many of us have been taught to deal with unwanted or negative emotion is to pretend we feel the opposite, push it away, or simply ignore it, believing it will dissipate, it’s gone and that’s that! Unfortunately, this is not the case. Instead the subconscious, in an attempt to protect us from the uncomfortable emotion, suppresses it, hides it away in the body, and tenaciously works to keep it firmly locked from the conscious mind’s awareness. However, deep within the body that hidden emotion lies festering, waiting for a weakening of the protective armor around it to burst free – which more often than not happens in an inappropriate way and time.
We have all heard of, or know about those people for whom “it was the straw that broke the camel’s back,” or, “he reached the point of boiling over,” meaning it was that one last thing which occurred that caused the person to break down into uncontrollable sobbing, blow up in a fit of anger, or suffer some physical ailment. This is a result of those emotions that we thought had dissipated but were actually stored deep within our mind and body; simmering until they they no longer could be contained.
In reality the key to releasing unwanted emotions or feelings is to actually allow ourselves to feel them. We live in a society that has taught us to disregard or hide what we are feeling – that emotions are for the weak – to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps,” or “to just get over it!” This has become the automatic, default response for the majority of people. However, as the connection between mind and body – how our emotions and our physical health are so inextricably interconnected – becomes clearer, awareness of the role our emotions play and the importance of experiencing them is also growing. Our emotions are our body’s compass, a guide to where we are on our path in life. When we pay attention to our emotions, we are able to use that guidance and make clearer choices for ourselves. Suppressing and containing emotions requires a great deal of energy and actually results in them becoming stronger, more persistent until they reach the point of manifesting in physical, emotional or behavioral ways that we cannot ignore.
So how do you switch from that ingrained default way of dealing with unwanted emotions to one of using your emotions to guide you? The answer is “AHA.“
AHA is a simple 3-step tool you can use any time you are experiencing an unwanted emotion to calm that emotion and help you feel more at ease.
- Acknowledge – The first step is to acknowledge that you are feeling an unwanted emotion. If you can, identify that emotion. Because our default is to reject negative emotions, we tend to resist giving them credence by naming them. If you cannot identify the emotion no problem. Simply acknowledge you are feeling “awful,” “lousy,” or “just plain negative.”
- Honor – Then honor that emotion by focussing on it. Admit you are feeling whatever that emotion is whether or not you can name it. Use statements such as, “Yes, I am frustrated!” “I feel awful!” “You bet I am angry!” “I’m really disappointed.” “I am very sad.” or “I don’t know what I’m feeling but it’s not good!” By doing so, you are speaking what is true for you in the moment. These negative emotions are indicators that something is out of balance. By honoring them you are moving towards bringing yourself back into balance.
- Allow – Breathe slowly and deeply while you allow yourself to truly experience what that emotion feels like. (Note: If you know how to tap then begin tapping. Tap on each point, or on one or two of them as you move through this step. Click here for a diagram of the points if you need them.) Notice where the emotion shows up in your body. Are you clenching your jaw, grinding your teeth, or tensing your neck and shoulders? Is your heart pounding? Do you have a knot or butterflies in your stomach, sweaty hands or a head ache? Notice what you tend to want to do. Do you find you want to resort to biting your nails, wringing your hands, or pacing? Or perhaps your tendency is to snap at or be grumpy with others? Allow yourself to notice what comes into your mind around this emotion. Thoughts such as “She shouldn’t have said that!” “I hate when things don’t work out the way they should.” “It’s unfair!” “How could I have been so foolish!” “What did I say that for!” “I have a right to be angry.”, etc. Give yourself several moments in a quiet space to breathe deeply, allowing these thoughts and sensations to flow, knowing they are not permanent but simply passing through. By tapping as you do this you are relaxing your body, calming the reactive center in your brain, releasing the negative emotion, and allowing yourself access to the guidance that this unwanted emotion is offering. Once you have released most or all of the negative emotion, you will feel calmer, more in control, and be able to think more clearly. By allowing yourself to fully feel your emotions as they come, you will tend to let them go more easily.
So, the next time you are experiencing an unwanted emotion such as anger, irritation or frustration think AHA– I know what to do! Acknowledge, Honor, and Allow – and tap! The actual words you say or think are not as important as staying focussed on the emotion itself. Simply pretend you are venting to your best friend about your issue and use that as your guide. AHA is an easy, quick technique that effectively helps to release unwanted emotions, preventing them from becoming stuck in your body only to explode when you least expect it!
However, AHA only works if you do it! The more you practice it, the quicker it will become your new default response to unwanted emotions!
Warmly,
Pamela & Brad